


Once, Twice, Forever (although nothing ever lasts that long)

by yawning_inF



Category: It Lives (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death(s), Gen, I threw the way redfield works out the window and I don't regret it for a second, YOLO, had too many feels, no beta and also like there's a tense change I was too tired to fix, noah marshall is redfield, nothing graphic really, tell me if any tw is needed, they were in love your honor, this is very very sloppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28366980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawning_inF/pseuds/yawning_inF
Summary: And while the shadows might still be the same, their inhabitant has changed. And this monster can still recognize the gaze piercing through its darkness.Those eyes…They're familiar.aka: time after that fateful night of homecoming barely passed, until mc (female Devon) returned to find what remained of the one left behind
Relationships: Noah Marshall & Main Character (It Lives in the Woods), Noah Marshall/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods)
Kudos: 5





	Once, Twice, Forever (although nothing ever lasts that long)

**Author's Note:**

> Don't treat this as serious writing because it isn't. But look,,, I even made a [playlist!!](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0uBdWvO5AFwjUkmhMnjKrn?si=PxGE-raIQp2EZsIBuwk_1Q). Enjoy this lil Christmas present :)

Her head fell right onto his lap, and he would have protested, just for the sake of pretenses, had his fingers not betrayed him, immediately finding their way on her short locks of messy, ash hair. His mind screamed at him to retract them before they were noticed, but they instead decided to bask in the glimpses of her warmth rather than obey him.

Noah's heart thumped against his ribcage the loudest he'd ever consciously felt it beating, and he could only pray its crazy rythm would not spill all of his secrets out to her despite his hold.

And in spite of his towering anxiety, he couldn't help but feel that strange sense of belonging as his hand was softly caressing her hair.

Perhaps it was less strange than he thought, because he could swear Devon leaned into the touch even in the slightest, without ever averting her eyes from the book her grasp held up to eye sight.

They stood like that for a while, and Noah could never possibly suppress the small smile that rose to his lips.

And so they stayed that way for way longer than a while, fingers brushing against ashy strands of hair, pages turning endlessly. With every new shuffling of paper Noah's newfound smile withered away.

He began tapping his foot restlessly against the ground. The pages continued being turned without any interruption, despite the fact that Devon's head was still resting on his now rapidly moving leg.

"Devon" he called cautiously.

His hand stilled just inches from her head when the next page turn echoed around the complete silence of the room. His face fell at the absence of an answer, and, though concerned, he wasn't frantic.

He was tired.

He knew what was going to happen next. It had already happened so many times before.

Noah lowered his head towards the form lending him her warmth, but even she was already cold.

Cold as she kept on turning the pages. This wasn't a book that ended.

When he glanced at the locks carefully placed between the pads of his fingers, the later where already nothing but shapeless tendrils of darkness and smoke.

Perhaps it was for the better that a face no longer belonged to him. These old stones did not need any more haunted reflections of sorrow.

Somehow the pages kept on turning. Turning and turning, as they had done once in the past.

As they had done in his dreams.

When he looked at her again, Devon's lovely silhouette was nothing more than a faint dream slipping through his misshapen fingers in sickly wisps of smoke.

His head arose solemnly to gaze at the flimsy frame of a red haired girl barging inside through the back door of their childhood home. A weird detail. A painful one. Everything was painful down here, and so pain had become dull after a while.

"Noah! Devon!" Jane cried. Their names didn' echo around the cavern, for they were never truly said.

She noticed him staring limply at her face framed by her fiery hair, but when she turned to face him, her eyes traveled straight through him.

"What's wrong?" she asked, cocking her head to the side.

Noah stayed silent for a bit. Not a muscle in her tiny body twitched while she waited for an answer. She wouldn't leave if she didn't get an answer.

"Everything" he rasped out eventually, but the voice that left him wasn't quite his.

"Then… Did you lie to me?"

Noah looks away, at the intricate patterns adorning the walls of the cavern. He knows the person standing in front of him is no longer Jane. Her voice is Devon's. And her appearance is Devon's, shifting between the little girl she once was and the girl he betrayed.

The girl he…

"I…" he trails off. When the glowing embers he calls eyes settle on her again, she's the same Devon from that night a year ago. Bloody and bruised and furious and _betrayed_. Betrayed and _mournful._

A resonant sob wreaks his dreadful silhouette and he recoils in the far shadows. He doesn't dare look, but he knows Devon is still there.

Waiting for an answer.

"I'm sorry" is the only answer his distorted voice can utter, traveling around like wind blowing through a shattered window. "Please, I'm sorry. I'm so _sorry_ "

Now Noah's the one awaiting for an answer, any sort of acknowledgment, or rejection, but he knows it's not coming. And yet, he begs.

"Please, believe me. I'm _sorry_ , I-"

The shadow that hosts his existence whirls around to see her. There's something akin to despair in the glowing embers that he calls his eyes.

Cold washes over him, but cold has become familiar.

Staring right back at him is only his own face, his true one. Soulless brown eyes burn holes through his darkness, and Noah's form confronts the decaying flesh he used to wear in grief.

"I'm sorry" he repeats.

He doesn't know who it's directed at anymore.

And on top of all that, the pages keep on turning, turning at every beat his dead reflection's heart is missing. Turning, as if the sound of their movement could in any way substitute the absence of motion of the muddy, blurried irises that noone had mourned.

That had no right to want to be mourned.

_(He doesn't know, just how many tears the fingers that now go through the papers with increasing haste have wiped away from bloodshot eyes because of him. Because of what happened, and what never did. What would forever stay only in regretful dreams.)_

Noah stares solemnly at the flesh of a traitor, until the burden he's been forcing on his shoulders becomes too heavy.

The shadow passes right through the ruins pilling above the body of that boy that died down here once upon a time. He couldn't possibly know how long it's been.

_(It hasn't been long, it's been less than a year, and yet remorse and loneliness tend to slow down time, one would guess.)_

Almost frantically does the shadow become one with the solid darkness of the collapsed roof, and it stays there, in the painful safety of those haunted, broken stones. With every new page turned, a fresh, tender path is carved down his cheeks, another pained sob tears through his throat, but you wouldn't know it. Noah doesn't even know it himself, obscured as they are by the shadows.

For all he knows, there's only darkness and pain and guilt, but even if those never fade the memories tied to them are beginning to. And there's that constant sound, the neverending story that refuses to be told, that agonizing sound as the pages are turned over and over, and they never will stop.

Each time another shuffle of paper echoes around his mind, it's just another deep, unsteady slash at his withered heart, filled with passionate hate. And it _hurts_ , it hurts knowing which perfect, pristine fingers are twisting their edges. It hurts knowing how comfortable and _natural_ felt the ashy strands of hair between his fingers.

Like something meant to be.

Their warmth always did like to be intertwined. Or at least his did. Now he's nothing if not cold.

He remembers less and less as time passes. He doesn't like losing the memories to the bottomless abyss that's become of his mind, but at least it doesn't hurt as much that way. Perhaps his mind is desperately trying to protect his sanity. Or perhaps it's trying to wipe clean all elements keeping his old self bound to the shadows, and turn him faster into…

Into….?

 _Into what? How does this thought end?,_ he wonders.

He begs his mind to remember, but it's pointless. The rest of it has been reduced to a hazy dream. Always brushing against the edges, the tips of the words, but them always slipping through.

Everything is hazy. Everything is blurry and spinning in shapes he couldn't possibly make out, like a million songs playing at the same time. The only melody he can discern is the one the pages keep producing. Taunting him, breathing whispered poisons in his ear, spoken in a language too foreign for him to understand.

And of course. Those eyes.

Irises shining brightly up at him from his lap, laughing with the grace and beauty of the sun, and the moon, and the whole galaxy. They shone just for him, just for a moment. That's the only thing he knows. So much brighter, so much better than anything else in his darkness. Like a tiny crumb of heaven.

Like another thorn of guilt.

Because deep inside the swirl of grieving shadows, he can faintly remember that he failed the soul reflected in those wonderful eyes. Those beautiful eyes, that just for a moment shone for only him.

They did so once, in the past.

They did so, twice, in his dream.

And they'll continue to do so, forever, in his nightmare.

***

Forever is a long time. And sometime amidst the endless turns of pages, time stops and so do they. The shadow twists around, perplexed. It doesn't remember a life without their constant presence, their constant reminder of its loneliness.

Just as it contemplates on its next move, the inky mass of shadows picks up the sound of sturdy footsteps against those old stones above it. It seeps through a narrow opening in between the old flooring, spreading back into its full height when it's come close to the entrance.

Whoever's poor soul is inside with the monster stops abruptly in their tracks. The shadow merges with the unnatural blackness of the ruins, before the person can notice it. It stands there, by them. Watching curiously.

They seem to pause their search of the shadows, just momentarily.

"Hello?"

The creature stays put. It knows it's supposed to be alone. That's how it's always been. The darkness seeping in and out of it, and the endless irises it remembers gazing through the shadowy tendrils with fragile affection.

The person gulps audibly. Although their face is obscured by sloppily weaved webs and stone and dangling plants with shriveled leaves, the creature doesn't need to strain to hear their heartbeat accelerating as a sudden chill settles on them, nor how desperately they try to steady their voice.

"Noah?" the person -a girl, the creature observes- asks tentatively.

"…Are you here?"

The creature is here. But the creature doesn't know anybody by that name. So it remains hidden in the cover the darkness provides.

The girl finally finds the courage to leave the lopsided awning behind her. Her boots scruff against the rocks, and although her walk is unsteady, there's a hint of certainty in her pace.

She calls the same name once again. Her shoulders slump a little at the voice echoing back. It's purely hers.

The shadow hiding in the darkness can't help but think it was supposed to answer.

The girl is brandishing a flashlight just barely visible from where the creature lies, directing the passing beam of light its way. The beam stops it's movement, and the creature thinks it's been discovered, but it quickly registers that the light seems to settle on nothing worth its warm presence. Like the misty eye of a lifeless corpse. Not quite looking anymore.

Indeed, there's a soft click plunging the ruins into complete and utter darkness once again, and before the monster knows it, the girl is pleading it reveals itself.

It… it resists. Yeah, it resists for a simple moment. Then for a moment, just for a moment.. it reconsiders.

But a moment is all it ever takes sometimes, and soon enough, in a hitch of her breath, the flashlight slips from the girl's grasp.

She stands shock still, mouth agape and attempting to speak, only for a choked sound to wither it's way out of her throat. Any words she might have prepared for this moment -the moment she finally lays her eyes on that dreadful creature of nightmares once again- they die on her tongue.

And while the shadows might still be the same, their inhabitant has changed. And this monster can still recognize the gaze piercing through its darkness.

Those eyes….

They're familiar.

"…You're….her" it concludes. Vaguely still. It's been long since the creature's been able to tell apart the words stored in its head, the remnants of another lifetime. Yet, they're slowly coming back, migratory birds returning to the lands they were born in.

The girl freezes up, barely daring to breathe. And yet, the frost clinging to her lips seems to gradually melt. She manages to regain movement in her jaw, at least enough to utter a pitiful question.

"You remember me?"

The creature nods.

"…Devon. _Friend_ …"

"And you are?" Devon asks then.

"...I.." the creature trails off, frowning -or something akin to it anyway. There they are again. Hazy memories, made of foam. Dissolving on his tongue. But now they have an anchor. Someone to hang on to, lest they slip away.

And that anchor, well, she's waiting expectantly, her misty eyes are urging him to think.

"…I'm…Noah. …Right?…"

Devon nods, letting out a choked laugh, but her eyes are smiling, even as they become flooded with tears.

"Yes" she says finally, voice thick with emotion. "Yes, that's right"

A moment of silence passes between them. Eyes navigating a vast new ocean, the water looks the same but nothing is as it was before. They both remember the melody, but their fingers have forgotten their way to the chords.

"Do you remember… what happened?" she asks softly. Her newfound smile wavers just in the slightest at the memories coming crashing back. He wonders how bad things were, when _it_ happened. He can find no explanation scratching at the surface.

Noah pauses to think. He remembers only Devon's starlit gaze and his own name, now that it's been prompted to appear ready on his tongue.

Aside from that, it's nothing but vague emotions, blue tinted polaroids forgotten inside the chest that was meant to keep them safe for more fingers to hold. None his heart can taste were good. Silver glimpses of a lifetime spent in misery and hopeless wishes.

And yet, what he _can_ remember, the darkness. It never felt any better. Because the futile hopes were turned into remorse, and those were what always hurt the most.

"…Only remember…being….here …Alone…" he decides, spitefully refusing to look at anything other than the grimness of the stone.

"….all…alone"

And while his eyes are solemnly fixed elsewhere, Devon's own shine with tears that slowly begin to trace their way down the tender skin of her cheeks. Rising up to the brim of her eyes, tides stubbornly filed away, pushed back, yet some, somehow, they still escape. Either because she's so conflicted, or perhaps because she has no way to comfort the shapeless monster in front of her, a mere shadow of the person she once knew. The person she'd do anything to bring back.

And she finally relents, she lets the bloody tears flow freely, her eyes are tired of holding them imprisoned and they sting. Because what's the point anymore? What's the point of pretending to be strong?

Devon shakes her head slowly, unable to find words. There's not much she can say, when she needs to say everything.

Sometimes you have to hold on in order to let go. And sometimes, you need to let go so that you can hold on.

Damn her heart, after all this time, it still can't decide in their case, which one's the means and which the destination.

"I… I'm sorry I didn't come sooner"

She stands limply in her place, the tears already dry. She fucking hates him. She hates him, for what he did, that's what she's always telling herself when no one's listening.

But…

…she always ends up loving him just a bit more.

Noah turns around, as if startled. Bits and parts of inky matter stay floating for half a second, before reuniting with his form. He studies her, perplexed. Cautious even. She searches those shadows seeming to pour out of his heart, encasing his soul in a heavy blanket.

"…s'alright…friend is here...now…" he says.

Devon can only hope that now is not too late. But… she smiles. A little bitterly at first, but soon the corners of her mouth manage to find their own way tilted upwards.

Noah tries to return the gesture. His faint ghost of a smile is far too subtle to be reflected on the inky swirl of darkness. Devon wouldn't feel it. Perhaps there isn't much to feel. Maybe… maybe he's forgotten what a smile is.

"You won't be alone anymore" she tells him.

"…Noah…not alone?…" Noah asks tentatively, and slivers of hope finally force their way through his deathly exterior, as his his eyes light up with a blue tint and his face assumes an image resembling that of a happy grin.

Devon can't help but smile just a tad wider at the sight.

Just a tad. That's what she always did like to tell herself, and it never changed in all the years she had known Noah's smile. Some things just never change.

"No, not alone" Devon speaks, swallowing back the overwhelming emotions flooding her tongue. It's hard, but she holds the now blue eyed creature's gaze. He needs to know that she means it.

"I promise"

And as he smiles, she swears she can glimpse a worn out sliver of his soul. It's a beautiful soul, despite everything. Devon doesn't remember thinking that particular thought. Perhaps someone told her. And perhaps that someone was herself.

She keeps on gazing straight through the shadow. Not at. Not past. But at the one meticulously tucked inside it. Oddly enough, it… it feels like things can be okay again. Not perfect. But okay.

...Someday.

The pages have stopped turning, as they hold each other's gaze.

And as those beautiful brown eyes shine bright at Noah, suddenly, the story makes sense again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I sure hope you liked it. Have a great day <3


End file.
